moms

Our Children’s Earth

Reflections on the BP Oil Spill

Guest Post by M. Nicklin

Tar balls reach Key West.  BP Says Tube is Containing One Fifth of the Spill.  BP Spill: The Equivalent of One Exxon Valdez Every Four Days.  These are just some of the many recent headlines about the oil disaster in the Gulf.  I read them daily.  And alarmingly, the news is not getting better.  It’s filled with pathetic finger pointing (BP-Halliburton-federal regulators) and excuses.

So who is really at fault?  I think there’s enough blame to go around — greedy oil companies, greedy politicians, greedy rig owners.  But back to my question:  who’s at fault? At this stage of the game, it doesn’t reaslly matter.  What does matter is a solution.  And a fast one at that.

They call it a leak but that’s really a misnomer.  It’s actually a massive, gushing environmental disaster.  And as a mother, I think about the world we’re leaving for our children.  A world where they will be left cleaning up and living with our messes.  That’s simply wrong.  So, as Washington and the billionaire oil companies continue to talk in circles about who’s to blame and what kind of crazy scheme we can use to plug the mess, I wonder what moms can do.

This Girltalk blog is about the strength of women.  So what can we do now to voice our concern and disapproval?  What can we do to help ensure that this kind of disaster is not repeated?  What can we do to protect the earth our children will inherit?

Where Did Everybody Go?

I became a parent on the later side of the child-bearing age spectrum, and was always comforted by the knowledge that I had virtually unlimited resources to help me through my introduction to parenthood.  My husband had been through it before, so he was the expert burper and diaper changer.  And I am a consummate researcher, so I was confident that the limitless books, magazine articles, and blogs the world had to offer would answer most any question I could possibly have. And for the most part, they did.

But now we’re coming into the teen years, and here’s where it gets dicey, because the stakes are getting much higher.  And with the crush of new issues – puberty, hormones, dances, sexting, drugs, My Space, peer pressure, junior high, etc. – I feel like I need a crash course in this new phase of parenting.    So recently I began my research, which soon came to a screeching halt.  Where were all the tween parenting books, support groups, magazines, and blogs?  The answer is:  there aren’t any.  I’m not seeing them anywhere.  And it’s making me a bit nervous.  Because in today’s world, the transition from child to tween and teen is not what it used to be – today’s kids are more knowledgeable, more sophisticated, and . . . more everything.

My husband reminds me that we have a great kid and insists that I have nothing to worry about.  He’s probably right, but I have a feeling that parenting through the tween years and beyond is going to be really challenging, even under the best of circumstances.    It’s going to be hard work, and I have a feeling I’m going to feel like a failure sometimes.  Has anyone been there?  Your thoughts?

Helicopter Mama

Today I was thinking about a particular rite of passage of my son’s that is causing me some concern, and suddenly I thought, “When will I stop worrying about every step of my son’s physical and emotional well-being?  We know it’s appropriate and necessary to worry about the safety of a child, but what is that landmark moment that tells us it is time to start letting go?  What happens if I stay too long at the party – hovering my way over my son’s life through college and beyond?

Recently Mom Central interviewed 795 Moms to assess how they view their parenting responsibility, and the impact it makes on their child’s ability to succeed. Key findings include:

  • Moms feel anxious and worried for their child’s well-being, health and overall success in life.  While 89% of moms say failure is healthy for a child, 40% would step in to prevent their child from failing.
  • 47% of moms indicate they spy on their children’s electronic accounts (texting, email, Facebook) to stay in the loop and make sure everything is okay.
  • Moms closely link their personal success or failure as a parent to their child’s future success.  33% of those moms help their college-age kids pick their classes.

A Mom’s influence in family decision-making is well documented, positioning her as the key problem-solver for her family. And while being involved in every decision her child makes may seem like a natural extension of that position, is it transforming her into that much-maligned “helicopter parent?”

What do you think: is it our obligation to stay as involved as possible in our child’s safety and well-being for as long as possible, or is it our duty to recognize when it is time to start letting go?

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